Soldier Camp
by Zeldakid555
Summary: Read and Review, this is a Boot Camp Type Fic.
1. Default Chapter

Soldier Camp Pro

Soldier Camp

Hee-Hee! There have been "big brother", "survivor", "weakest link", and "mole" fanfics. Here's a "boot camp" one. Let's meet the recruits: There are only 12 of them, rules are the same as on the TV game. 

Recruit Link   
Age: 11   
Race: Hylian   
Hobby: Saving the world   
Fun Fact: Enjoys doing calculus workbooks in his spare time 

Recruit Ganondorf   
Age: 29   
Race: Guerado   
Hobby: Taking over the world   
Fun Fact: Sleeps with his teddy bear 

Recruit Zelda   
Age: 11   
Race: Hylian   
Hobby: "Accesorizing" her dolls, buying new clothes   
Fun Fact: Picks nose when her nanny isn't looking 

Recruit Mido   
Age: 11   
Race: Kokiri   
Hobby: He used to enjoy bossing people around, but is developing into a leader   
Fun Fact: Wets the bed at least twice a week 

Recruit Darunia   
Age: Older than Dirt   
Race: Goron   
Hobby: Eating, eating, and um........ eating   
Fun Fact: Collects dental floss 

Recruit Ruto   
Age: 9   
Race: Zora   
Hobby: Annoying Link   
Fun Fact: Sings "I'm blue dabadee dabadi" frequently 

Recruit Kafei   
Age: 17   
Race: Terminan   
Hobby: Dying hair   
Fun Fact: Grits give him gas 

Recruit: Anju's Grandma   
Age: 68 (at least that's what she said)   
Race: Terminan   
Hobby: Reading fairy tales   
Fun Fact: Wears a wig 

Recruit Sakon   
Age: 22   
Race: ????????   
Hobby: Stealing things   
Fun Fact: Is afraid of butterflies 

Recruit Larymus (see 48 hours The Zelda Interviews)   
Age: (it's been countless years since he fell down the toilet, he's lost track of time)   
Race: (probably the same as Sakon)   
Hobby: Begging for a paper product   
Fun Fact: Is afraid of butterflies ?????????? 

Recruit Deku Princess   
Age: 13   
Race: Deku Scrub   
Hobby: Being obnoxious   
Fun Fact: Plays with paper dolls 

Recruit Skullkid   
Age: ????   
Race: ?????   
Hobby: ??????   
Fun Fact: ????? (refused to fill out our questionare)   
  
  
  
  
  



	2. First Mission

Soldier Camp1

Soldier Camp

Day 1 5:30 A.M. 

**The recruits are on a bus pulled by a flea** 

Zelda: This is an atrocious hour to be up! 

Link: (is snoring) 

Ruto: Link, you snore so sexily! 

Link: (wakes up, whacks Ruto with his staff) 

Ruto: You're so foxy when you whack me Link! 

Grandmother: Pipe down you little hooligans! 

Mido & Gannondorf: Shut up! 

Ruto: I get turned on when you don't say shut up Link. 

Link: (gags Ruto) 

Gannondorf: Shut up you annoying knave! 

Ruto: Ughggh! 

Link: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! 

Kafei: (is talking to Skullkid) I dye my hair frequently. 

Skullkid: I don't be having no hair homey-g. 

Kafei: Umm....... what did you say? 

Skullkid: Cello? What side you from fool. 

Kafei: (goes to sit next to Link, even though he's drooling) 

Skullkid: (is reading "cool phrases 1998") 

Darunia: (to Deku Princess) I'm big brother. 

Deku Princess: I'm Princess. 

Ganondorf: Shut up! I'm Rule of the World! 

Link: (wakes up) No, I stopped you remember! 

Ganondorf: (bursts into tears, cuddles teddy bear) But I wanna rule thuh wurld! 

Link: That's nice! (goes back to sleep) 

Anju's Grandma: Pipe down you rattish whelps! 

Mido: Shut up, Granny! 

Anju's Grandma: Don't make me come over there! 

Day 1 6:45 A.M. 

D.I. Odolwa: Get off my stupid bus you stupid morons! 

D.I. Dark Link: (to Zelda) Let's move Princess! 

Deku Princess: (whining) But I'm the Princess! 

D.I.D.L.: (screams in Deku Princess' face for an exceedingly long time) 

D.I. Rauru: Please move along if you would care to. 

D.I.O.: Get in the stupid building! 

Day 1 7:00 A.M. 

D.I. Nabooru: Blah, blah, blah now you're oriented you little arses! 

Darunia: Scuse me ma'am, but I'm much bigger than you. 

D.I.R.: (calmly) Please be quiet you taddish knave. 

D.I.O.: (jumping up and down and turning red) Shut the stupid heck up you idiot! 

Day 1 7:15 A.M. 

Darunia: (on camera) I felt abused. 

Day 1 7:20 A.M. 

Barber: (evilly) Let's cut some hairs! 

Link: (rubs hand on stubble) 

Larymus: I'm not getting out of my toilet for this! 

Zelda: This haircut is atrocious! 

Mido: (whistling "I don't know what you've been told) 

Sakon: Cool! 

Barber: (is moaning at Deku Princess, Larymus, Ruto, Darunia, and Skullkid) 

Anju's Grandma: Acck! 

D.I.O.: Come on, let's get settled into your stupid cabins! 

Day 1 7:45 A.M. 

Link: (on camera) Sure, everyone likes Mido! He's a natural leader! 

Day 1 8:00 A.M. 

D.I.N.: I wouldn't be at all surprised if that little arse Mido won! 

Day 1 11:45 A.M. 

Zelda: Like ewwwwwwww I'm not eating that atrocious slop! 

Link, Mido, Kafei, Skullkid, heck all the males: Yummy! 

Mido: (is munching a greasy, orangeish meat with purple fuzz growing on it) 

Kafei: (is eating grits) 

D.I.D.L.: Are you enjoying the food? 

Everyone except Zelda: Yessir! 

D.I.D.L.: I said are you enjoying the food! 

Evereyone except Zelda: YESSIR! 

Zelda: Like totally no! 

D.I.R.: Perhaps you could hold your nose while you eat? 

D.I.O.: (picks up Zelda's tray and dumps it on her head) 

Day 1 1:00 P.M. 

Sakon: (on camera) I'm getting a little tired of carrying Larymus's toilet around, I think I'll vote for him. 

Day 1 1:15 P.M. 

D.I.R.: It tis now time to select a misson leader. If you complete the mission the leader cannot be voted off, and you get reduced p.t. instead of extra p.t. 

D.I.N.: So pick one you little arses! 

Everyone: Mido! 

D.I.O.: Fine, start doing pull-downs! 

Anju's Grandma and Larymus: How? 

D.I.D.L.: (vibrates in rage but can't think of a solution because Larymus is in a toilet and Granny's in a wheel chair) 

Day 1 5:00 P.M. 

Zelda and Ruto: Eww! I'm sweating! 

Deku Princess: I wanna call Father! 

Day 1 10:00 P.M. 

Mido: Good night everyone! 

Kafei: (rips a fart, then another, then keeps on ripping nice and loud) 

D.I.N.: Shut your arse up! 

Day 2 2:15 A.M. 

**Noone except Mido is asleep, because Kafei is still ripping farts but D.I.R. has banned him from grits for the rest of the game** 

Mido: (chuckles in his sleep and begins wetting his bed) 

Day 1 4:30 A.M. 

Mido: (is still wetting the bed) 

Link: (wakes up surrounded by liquid on all sides) Whoa! 

**The cabin collapses and a wave of urination comes crashing and lands in the lake** 

Zelda: That's atrocious! 

Deku Princess: Like ewwwwww! 

Ruto: (barfs) Yuck!

D.I.O.: Who was the stupid moron who whizzed!?!

Link: (notices that Mido is still whizzing, gasps) It's Mido.

Day 2 5:25 A.M.

Fred Flinstone: Barney, Barney, Barney my pebbles!

D.I.O. (on camera) Unusual rooster, but he was eager to take the job, I think Mido blew his chances of winning when he whizzed.

Day 2 7:00 A.M.

Mido: (is rebuilding the cabin all by himself w/o breakfast)

Day 2 8:00 A.M.

D.I.D.L.: Here's the dang mission. (hands them a piece of rock with a square hole and a round hole as well as a square and a round peg) Shove the dang pegs in the dang board!

Darunia: (stuffs them in his mouth) Oops! Looks like Mido doesn't get amnesty.

**Misson Failed**

Day 2 10:00 A.M.

Mido: (on camera) No, I think they still like me.

Day 2 10:05 A.M.

Everyone except Mido: Mido's a loser!

Day 2 10:20 A.M.

Anju's Grandma: (on camera) Mido got us extra physical training, the stupid whippersnapper.  
  
  
**Everyone does physical training, let's fast forward to Dismissal Hill**

D.I.R.: Mido, before you cast your vote you may adress your squad.

Mido: W- (is interrupted)

Everyone: (holds up a container of urine, throws it on Mido) Shut the bleep up you whizzing loser!

D.I.D.L.: Why should you remain in the game Mido?

Mido: B-

D.I.D.L.: Shut up! Recruit Mido, you are discharged from Boot Camp!

D.I.R.: All those who voted for Mido, step forward.

Ganondorf: Voted Mido (1), Zelda: Voted Mido (2), Darunia: Voted Mido (3), Ruto: Voted Mido (4), Kafei: Voted Mido (5), Anju's Grandma: Voted Mido (6), Deku Princess: Voted Mido (7), Larymus: Voted Mido (8), Skullkid: Voted Deku Princess (1), Mido: Voted Anju's Grandma (1), Link: Voted Ruto (1), Sakon: Voted Larymus (1)

D.I.R.: Mido, you may take anybody for any reason at this time!

Mido: I'll take Anju's Grandma 'cuz she's a geezer!

D.I.R.: Drill Instructors, if it does not bother you, would you escort these fine trainees off of the hill which is temporarily in my possession?

**Come back next week for Soldier Camp's next episode**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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